When I was growing up my family took a vacation every fall. We went to Texas, Colorado, Ohio, Virginia, West Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Kentucky, etc. Basically, anywhere with mountains and where we could go hiking! My mum loved hiking! We would complain a lot but we loved it. I guess this is why I love mountains so much. As long as I am in/near the mountains I am fairly content.
Above:
My family in CO, 1999. My dad was there too, but he was the one taking the picture!
I always loved our family vacations. We would leave at 4am while it was still dark, chilly, and dew on the ground. We piled in our minivan with our pillows, blankets, headphones, cassette players or portable CD players. We were always too excited to go back to sleep. Sounds fun, right? It was until someone farted, slapped you, or put their stuff on "your land." Then it was a fine for the "Gripe Jar." Basically, we all had a designated seat in the van and it was OUR spot. We were a bunch of little Sheldon Coopers. If we argued or pestered one another we risked putting a quarter in the Gripe Jar. No one wanted to lose their money, but it was glorious when someone else did because the person with the best behavior won the money at the end! The worse someone else behaved the more money you made. What a great system.
Anyway, enough about that. I liked traveling, I suppose, but I never thought I had any desire to leave my own country. Why would I do that? America has everything! Its a huge country filled with opportunity and freedom! Ha. What a precious thought. Of course, one can visit another country without living there, right? I mean, people do it all of the time. Everyday. However, for me, this always seemed a bit useless. I got anxiety at the thought of being in England or France for only a week or two. I could not possibly see and learn everything I wanted in that short amount of time. A short amount of time is better than none, but that it simply not how I operate. I never have. I had three weeks of vacation in Switzerland when I arrived here in Europe and honestly its all a blur! I was so overwhelmed and excited that I couldn't take it in properly. I am sure some of you can relate to that feeling when you travel. I like to experience things as fully and deeply as possible. Every sip of rich, red wine. Every taste of dark, bold coffee. The sensational taste and smell of a well-aged scotch. The cold "tickle" of snow flakes falling. The bright glow of a full moon. The heavenly scent of a burning candle. The warmth from a roaring fire. You get my point? Okay, good, because I am done being a cheesy weirdo. Forgive me, I am but a lowly artist.
It was not until I was around twenty years old and I moved to Jackson, MS that the desire to experience more of the world was laid on my heart. As many of you may know, I have always loved history and been particularly interested in Russian history. When I moved to Jackson I became friends with several students from Russia, and also came to know a wonderful woman in the theatre world who had recently adopted a little girl from Russia. I thought I would burst from the desire to go there! I ended up having two opportunities to go but both fell apart mostly due to funds. Over the next few years my desire burned a little less but it was still there. Unfortunately, I had a lot of other things to deal with before I could focus on travel.
As I think back on my desires and actions from most of my life, but particularly since college, I can see that they have all been telling me something. I was very unsettled and always searching. I moved from place to place and idea to idea. I changed drastically every few months. The things that brought me joy were not the things I could find so easily. I turned down three opportunities to get married, one with an actual ring involved. I walked away from each because they were not right for me and I knew I would be unhappy, but there was something else... something extra tugging at my thoughts and my heart. Something was telling me that I was supposed to be somewhere special or do something special and if I settled too quickly I would miss it. I was right.
In 2014, when I started at UWF to finish my BA I started to truly find myself. I was in a comfortable enough place to let myself be honest with myself and what was actually happening in my life. It was not easy and I had to make some huge changes but I made it happen. It was during this time that I could see an open door. I didn't know where it led but I think that is because I could choose. It could have led anywhere and it was up to me to decide. In 2015, when graduation from UWF was finally approaching, I knew it was time to lay out my next steps. So, I did. I sat down and thought about what I wanted most in the world and what would make me truly happy. The only thing that came to mind was leaving the country. I had no idea where I wanted to go but I knew I wanted to go. I wanted to find a culture that better suited my personality and where I could see more of the beautiful world that I had only ever seen in photographs. It was during this time that I met my current boyfriend, Toby, and all of his friends from around the world who were living in the same city as us. Everything began to unfold and fit together. I made friends with people from Italy, France, Netherlands, Sweden, etc. I was flooded with support and encouragement. I knew I was on the right path. There was no doubt in my mind that I needed to make it happen. It was not easy, but so worth it.
To those of you who (possibly) wish to follow in my footsteps: be careful. I do not say this because I am unhappy. I am immensely happy. I haven't had the first thought of regret or even been homesick. However, I can see where many people might end up being unhappy. While France suits me perfectly, it is not perfect. You cannot leave your own country expecting perfection elsewhere. I am sure you know this. My point is this: if you truly think I am "lucky" to be here or you feel truly jealous then do it yourself. Not so easily done? You're right! Its not. In fact, it is really, really hard! Depending on where you are in life it may even be harder for you than it was for me. However, I am a firm believer in the old saying, "where there is a will, there is a way." I have had to have a lot of will to get my way... and it didn't stop once I got here! My stamped Visa was only the beginning.
From getting my first pat-down in the airport for forgetting a pack of gum in my back pocket, learning to drive manual transmission on tiny French mountain roads, finding out I have to have an X-ray to check for tobacco disease (weird rule because of people from Asia and Africa), hitting a tree because I couldn't stop my damn car in time, not being able to contact anyone when away from wifi, my debit card expiring before I had my new one and technically being penniless, discovering that I am allergic to "grocery store bread," and the many language barriers I face everyday, it has not been easy. However, I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I love every minute of this adventure. Find your adventure because it will be the the greatest thing to ever happen to you, no matter how hard it may be.
No comments:
Post a Comment